There is nothing stronger than the insatiable desire to ‘fit in’ when you are 13. As you get older, you no longer rely on your humour or your imagination to be liked as you did on the playground at school. Suddenly, your beauty becomes your currency, and being ginger, I always felt short-changed.
School is tough enough as it is, and kids can be mean. Period. Growing up, I had my fair share of ridicule at school, time goes on but the name-calling always sticks. I’ve always seen ‘ginger’ as a negative word, a word thrown at me with with disrespect. Being ginger was never something I felt I could be proud of.
I often laugh to myself as I recall my early teens and pledging to myself that “as soon as I’m old enough, I’m dying my hair black” – it was mainly said in jest, for I knew jet black hair wouldn’t suit me quite as much as my fiery ginger locks. But black hair doesn’t attract bullies; black hair blends in.
I’ve always struggled to explain what it feels like to be ostracised for my hair colour; it’s hard to explain to someone without ginger hair about the stigma attached to it. In 2014, a study by Kevin O’Regan at the University of Cork, found that 90% of redheads had faced some form of abuse because of their hair colour. Having always felt some form of discrimination and been ‘the odd one out’ in a group of friends, I knew that the only people that could relate to my experience of having ginger hair, funnily enough were other red heads.
Olivia, a 6-foot model and natural redhead, agreed with my empty promises about dying my hair. “I’d always say that I’d dye it, but I knew I never would” she continues, “if I had brown hair I don’t think I’d be getting anywhere in this industry. My hair makes me stand out.”
Me and Olivia met on a recent photoshoot and it was one of the first times in my life I could share stories about the trials and tribulations of being ginger with a fellow redhead. I felt such a sense of relief when she told me she also felt “awkward and out of place” because of her hair colour. We discussed about whether we wanted our kids to be ginger and laughed about how the people that used to bully usat school now praised us for our fiery locks. I agreed with her when she told me she thought that “ginger always looks better in a crowd,” and it was her unpretentious empathy that saw Olivia go from fellow redhead to a close friend of mine. “After all,” she says, “us gingers have to stick together.”
Whether it be tears of joy, tears of sadness or a cry for help within, this perception that crying is for the female gender only, is outdated.
Crying is something we all do, have the need to do, feel like doing and some of us feel guilty of doing so. I cry when I watch a soppy film, I cry when my dog goes back to his shared custody home, heck I cry when it’s my time of the month and I have to socialize with people. The point is, I cry, you cry and BOYS cry. Just because generations before us have been brought up in a society where crying is for girls and the weak, doesn’t mean generation Z and forthcoming generations can’t suggest a change.
Why is it that crying and showing emotions of physical sadness determine masculinity and femininity? Its 2019, why are boys still reluctant to admit that they cry. For years its always been MAN and WOMAN and nothing in-between, current society people are identifying as no gender or transgender, which means a lot for these people, including the acceptance to show a more stereotypical feminine emotion, such as crying.
We all, as humans, have the same pre-frontal cortex which is affected by our emotions from the limbic system in the temporal lobe, whether you’re boy or girl. In English, this means when we feel the urge to cry, we can, and sometimes have to. Gender differences doesn’t mean that boys don’t have these bodily functions and express sadness through literal tears just like girls do, we’re all made the same.
Just because boys are labelled the stronger more dominant gender doesn’t change the fact that they can struggle with mental health problems and deeper issues. The stigma around mental health is a whole new level to begin with, however adding boys into the equation is almost unspoken. In 2017, statistics showed that out of 5,821 suicides in the UK, 75% of these were boys suffering silently with mental health problems. Suicide is the most common cause of death for men ages between 20-49 years in the UK.
In December 2018, Tyson Fury, the renown and world famous champion heavyweight boxer, who is 6ft9 and 250lb, competed against Deontay Wilder in the battle to retain his champion and unbeaten title. There could only be one winner for this, for the strongest, toughest, hardest fighter. Tyson Fury explained to the world on many interviews, on the news and social media that 14 months beforehand he had struggled for a year with crippling depression. He had, in his words, ‘everything’. The money, family and children, cars, houses, name, reputation and he still felt like he did not want to be alive. He ballooned to 400lb, was drinking alcohol and taking drugs on a daily basis because of his depression, he admitted to nearly committing suicide and the world did not believe he could be successful in his fight.
Further research from twitter, a poll was created asking whether boys think it’s normal to cry or if only girls should. No surprise when only 6 boys admitted anonymously that they think it’s normal, and 21 other boys choosing the other option of only girls should, disappointing reality. Further to this, a Facebook questionnaire to see if boys would answer more openly when given multiple questions about showing emotions and which situations, they would be more likely too. A better response became of this and indicated that most boys cry when nobody is around because they feel they would be mocked for it. However, a number of boys commented that it is becoming more accepted for boys to cry and even seen as attractive to some girls as it shows sensitivity.
When interviewing Hamilton Flavio De Almeida, a 24-year-old aspiring electrical engineer graduate, he spoke about his struggles as a young black male in modern day society. Quarter African, quarter Portuguese, quarter Spanish and quarter English; Hamilton talks on the uneasiness of fitting in and the need to conform to typical masculine behaviors and stereotypes. When asked When asked “How do you feel about being open and expressing your emotions as a young male?” He responded by saying that “I’m naturally more of an emotional person due to the countries I have been brought up in – Spanish are a very open and loving community, whereas I feel the need to suppress any emotion if feeling it in a negative way in England just because I think I will be judged, because I’m already different to begin with.” And when asked a more direct question “Would you cry in public?” He laughed and shook his head with the simple response “Never!”
For the ones who feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit to similar issues, it’s okay not to be okay and everybody needs to be spreading this message.
One thing’s for sure, boys do cry and that’s a fact. Hide no more and end the stigma.
Feeling trapped in his own emotionsA young Chanel makeup artist who is breaking into the industry being a gay man, showing makeup has no genderOur gender does not define us, masculine or feminine or a bit of both
Within my research for my article on homosexuality in Christianity, I spoke to a pastor in Northern Ireland from a church I have visited many times and I have always felt welcome in his presence. I reached out to him to see if he would answer a few questions for me and I think it speaks volumes that although he was “happy to do so,” there was one pressing issue with him saying “I would like to be kept anonymous as I wouldn’t want to upset anyone.”
I started by asking him the age-old question, ‘Do you feel as being gay is a sin?’
Yes, there are many biblical verses which support the view that the act of being gay is a sin. See, Leviticus 20:13 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. But it is also important to look at the bible in the context of love. That is the angle in which I will always peach the gospel as love because to me the whole message of Christianity is love
Have you ever peached on homosexuality and put it out there that if anyone was struggling with it they could come to the church?
I have not done this. I’m not sure a sermon is the place to address this. It could upset a lot of people in the church. Also, the biblical verses are not conclusive of what side we should take on this, an argument could be made for and against LGBT tolerance and I think each has to make their own decision.
If asked by a member of the church to speak on the subject would you?
I would discuss in a more informal setting, such as a one on one conversation or small group, like a Bible study session but I have to say it plays on my mind and its something I struggle with as I want to be able to just say they come to me, but I worry people may get offended. There are no LGBTQ people in my congregation that I know of, that doesn’t mean that there is none or that member of my church does not have friends or family members that are. I mean I am only one man I am not god I don’t know all the answers.”
What do you think would happen if one of the members of the congregation were to publicly come out to the church?
I think this would really split the congregation. I believe the split would be age-dependent, we have an amazing group of younger Christians in the churched which is are blessed to have and I think they would be more supportive than the elder. But there may be a few that go against that pattern. I also believe that the supporting group would be the minority.
Do you feel a gay man can be a Christian?
From my experiences as a Christian for many years now to me any human who accepts Jesus as their saviour and has a relationship with him is a Christian. Anyone can have that, regardless of sexuality. We were made to sin and everyone sins, once you expect the holy spirit in heart and know that Jesus died on the cross for you and live your life with the Lord guiding you then I think anyone would really struggle with not calling that person a Christian.
2018 was a pinnacle moment for the skin positivity movement. To celebrate we looked back at the trailblazers that encouraged us to show our skin this year.
January
This was the month that Peter DeVito started his Untouched project to remind us that it is normal to have Acne.
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February
Mercedes Matz was the face of the Dove Dermaseries campaign. As a part of the campaign she said “You see perfect skin all over social media. But not everyone has perfect skin – whether it’s eczema, psoriasis, acne, or whatever, the more we show it the more people will accept it.”
March
In march Kadeeja Khan shared her story to raise awareness of skin conditions. L’Oreal told Kadeeja they couldn’t work with people with skin issues and this is what she had to say “To think we’re supposed to live in an advanced society that not only ACCEPTS of [sic] ALL walks of life but actually embraces people of all backgrounds, religions, ethnicities and disabilities. Shame on you L’Oréal.”
April
Louisa Northcote created #freethepimple a campaign which encourages people to not be ashamed of their natural skin.
Sophie Harris-Taylor shared this with us when we asked her about her latest project “Epidermis”.
“Most of my personal projects are brought about by my own life experience, dealing with both the familiar and unobserved. As a photographer, I use people to express my own pre-occupations and concerns. When I think about it throughout my work there is always some element of my own vulnerability. A big part of it is about capturing something honest and truthful in some shape or form. I want to make people feel good, essentially. All women, in fact.”- Sophie Harris-Taylor
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June
Petra Collins’s created a short film A Love Story, featuring artist Sarah Sitkin’s “Bodysuits”.
The website #getyourskin remodelled it’s website in order to celebrate more psoriasis campaigns and raise positive awareness.
August
Ben Simpson shared his photography project which focused on what people really look like, outside of perceived digital perfection.
September
Sophie Mayanne launched her “Behind the Scars” website celebrating scars and the stories behind them.
https://behindthescars.co.uk/
October
Brock Elbank held his #Freckles exhibition in Sweden’s Regionmuseet Kristianstad. He photographed 180 individuals with different genders, ages, and ethnicities from Europe, North and South America, Africa, Asia and Australasia.
November
Em ford skin positivity blogger released a follow up to her “You look disgusting” video which hit 29 million views. The “Redfine pretty” campaign asked volunteers “If we change the standards of beauty, do we change how we see ourselves?”
Nur Khamis explores the obstacle-filled path of unconventional models and the underrepresentation of individuals lacking Eurocentric features in the fashion industry.
I was raised in Bucharest, Romania, with a Jordanian father and a Romanian mother. Growing up, I was not considered traditionally beautiful, but rather interesting looking. This might be because, as an ethnically ambiguous person, I did not look like anyone else. Even though I am half Caucasian, the only white features I possess are my pale skin and blue eyes– I inherited my dad’s Middle Eastern looks. With a wide, square shaped face, a bigger, rather bulbous nose, bushy eyebrows, untamed, curly hair and a very unsymmetrical face, you could say I did not fit in society’s beauty norms.
When I moved to the UK, I suddenly realized how different people actually are, because of the mix of cultures in the country. Romania is majorly white, and there’s not a lot of us mixed race individuals. UK, with its cosmopolitan London, is the complete opposite.
Still, as I observed the diversity around me, I also observed the lack of it within the fashion industry. The industry is still fixated on the traditional, Western ideals of beauty, and they are considered by society as the standard. Unconventional looking models, which I find incredibly beautiful, are marked as ‘interesting’ or ‘weird’, and it’s harder for them to get jobs. Take Slick Woods, for example. She quickly became one of the most talked about models, and Rihanna’s muse. Gaped teeth, shaved head – her beauty is harder to consume and understand – so she’s constantly getting bullied online, called “ugly”.
I decided to photograph people, models and fashion enthusiasts, who possess strong features, and unique looks. These individuals break the rules and the boring standards of beauty and embrace their own individuality. It’s that powerful confidence to be yourself that scares people, because not everyone is courageous enough to do it. That’s exactly what the fashion industry needs – people who are unconditionally themselves and don’t care if they don’t fit in.
Working on this project taught me how I was never the only one struggling to be accepted and fit in – a lot of us were trying to take away from our own individuality in order to mould into an idea of what we should be.
TEE
“I think I changed myself over the years to become more like the girls who were all the same because I stood out too much and never felt I was like them.” – Tee, 22, told me. She grew up a mostly white community in Lichfield, with a Botswana father and a mother from Kimberley, Northern Cape. When she was little, she used to hate her teeth gap – but now she learnt to love it, and models like Slick Woods helped her embrace it.
JOEY
Joey, 25, works as a model in London, for AMCK modelling agency, one the best male agencies in the UK. His unique looks got him a few important gigs – ASOS and Valentino, to name a few. He’s a mixed-race child – a Jamaican mother and an Algerian father. His freckles define him, and also put him in the ‘unconventional’ model category. As hard as it was to hide them growing up, he doesn’t want to anymore.
NEJAT
Daniel, 20, likes being called by his family name, Nejat. His case is very similar to mine – he grew up in Bucharest, with strong, Iranian features inherited from his father. No one looked like him, which attracted people’s attention. That’s how he learnt to be a people’s charmer.
It’s hard to find models that look like him. Take a look on every catwalk – you won’t see a lot of Middle Eastern men.
What does it mean when journalists use the phrase ‘diversity in fashion’. Is this phrase another way to tick another box?
As a British Asian young woman, I have never thought to question the word diversity, as I feel that it has become a buzzword. As diversity in fashion has become a huge talking point in the last few years, I have realised that it still isn’t being understood. I can say with my hand to my heart that the only well known, global indian editorial models that I know are Neelam Gill and Saffron Vadher. I have not seen changes in magazines with the representation of diversity, as you can’t just slap on the cover someone who would tick the box. People might say “wow, look how diverse iD magazine is being”, but you have to look at the bigger picture.
Let’s look at how much England has ticked the right boxes. The population is approximately 66 million. According to Census 2011, 80% of the U.K are white British, 6.8% is Asian and 3.4% is Black. Within both Asian and Black communities, the percentages are of both immigrants and British born. You have to ask yourself why South Asian are not being represented. As you can see through the statistics, Britain is made up of more than just white Britain. Burberry did a campaign called English Rose in 2014, this was were Neelam Gill made her first appearance alongside Malaika Firth who is Kenyan British born. This campaign was the start of how Burberry which is an iconic British brand, looked at the more ‘diverse’ ways of portraying England.
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Simran Bhullar, 23, is a Brit-Asian woman and has been watching the way fashion has become more diverse with the models that have been used. Neelam Gill has been a huge influence as before “no one resembled me, unless if I watched Bollywood films” Simran told me. I asked Simran many questions about how it feels to be placed into a category or box and her response was interesting the mood in the room changed. She told me that “diversity has become more prominent but it is not like we didn’t exist before so why has it taken this long”. You could see the frustration in her face and gave a huge sigh when just saying the phrase diversity in fashion. I told Simran that the feeling is mutual and the whole interview become more of a debate and me challenging everything being said.
Our conversation together started to look at how diversity, as a word, needs to be used correctly and “you can’t just say fashion is diverse anymore as the whole issue behind diversity becomes lost”. Simran then tells me about what diversity means to her and you could not only hear the passion but also see it through what she was saying. Simran told me that diversity is about inclusivity and how we should not judge someone because of their race, gender or creed. This isn’t an issue solely in fashion but in many different areas in multiple industries.
What is ‘diversity in fashion’ and is it another category? This is the question I have tried to answer for my own sanitary. Personally diversity is more that a word it is something that I understand as I am one of many people who have not felt like they have been represented in the media but my only concern about this word or phrase is that we are placing many boxes with one.
Is this the right direction? I open the floor to you who is reading this article and ask to hear your opinion via social media using the hashtag #boxticked.
TEE
JOEY
NEJAT
